Ep. #869 - Living A Life Without Limits

00:00.00
Matt DeCoursey
And we’re back for another episode of Startup Hustle. Matt DeCoursey here to have another conversation that I’m hoping helps your business grow, all right. So if you could live a life without limits, what would that life look like? And what do you think you’d have to do to get there? Or make it happen, sustain it, or do a whole lot of things. That’s exactly what we’re going to talk about during today’s episode. Before we get too far into that, today’s episode of Startup Hustle is brought to you by FullScale.io. That’s my company, folks. We can help you build a software team quickly and affordably. All you need to do is go to FullScale.io, answer a couple of questions, and our system and platform will match you up with available team members. And we will do our best to help you build that team that you really want and can’t afford. You might be surprised. With me today, I’ve got Tom McCarthy. Thomas [is] the CEO of The Breakthrough Code, the author of The Breakthrough Code, and also the CEO of Thomas McCarthy and Associates. So Tom specializes in coaching, training, speaking, and investing straight out of Rancho Santa Fe, California. Tom, welcome to Startup Hustle.
01:04.56
Tom McCarthy
You know, the mean streets of Rancho Santa Fe. Hey, Matt, great to be with you, and congratulations on the tremendous success of your podcast. Very impressive.
01:12.31
Matt DeCoursey
Thanks! Thanks, I appreciate that. It’s been a lot of work. It’s always good to be down with that. Now, you mentioned things being a lot of work. What’s not going to be a lot of work is finding stuff to talk with you about today. So I’d like to start that conversation with a little bit about your own backstory.
01:32.58
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, so the book is The Breakthrough Code, and the subtitle is Living A Life Without Limits. That was the farthest away from the way that I was living my life early on. I can still remember when I was three years old, my father was an army officer. He was sent to Vietnam when I was two, and he was supposed to come back home in April of 1964. So it was March of 1964, I remember looking out the window into my front yard. And my mom was getting us ready for the day. I had a two-year-old brother [and] a little six-month-old brother. A taxi cab pulled up. I was all excited because an army officer got out. I thought it was my dad, but it was somebody coming to tell my mom that my dad had actually been killed in Vietnam the day before. All hell broke loose in our house. You know, people were coming in, neighbors. My mom made us stay in the room because she knew what was going on. We were in the room, two little brothers and I, and people came to console us. As you can imagine, a ton of sadness and grief, and my life changed. It went from being kind of this normal life with two parents and two younger brothers. And my mom probably would have had more; she said more kids. All of a sudden, life wasn’t black and white anymore. It was shades of gray. And it was a blessing in disguise. But back then, I was filled with fear, anxiety, and worry. I thought someone else might die, right? I had all that stuff in my head growing up, and I really struggled with it. The benefit, though, was it made me look outside the lines, and everyone has probably some experience like that. I’m sure you do too. Love to hear yours at some point. But I started reading books by Wayne Dyer [and] Dennis Whiteley when I was in my teens, and I was searching for answers. Why am I in this situation? To me, it seemed like life was so unfair. I don’t have a dad. We didn’t have any money; we had this little pension the government gave us. So we really struggled, but I wanted to figure out how I could personally get out of this to help my family. That was my initial motivation. And I started being exposed to people. One person, in particular, Tony Robbins. I was in my 20s; I actually, by that point in time, had a job at the Wall Street firm. And I actually saw him on TV speaking about his first book. A week later, I was out in California with him.
04:15.16
Tom McCarthy
And then I came on board to help run his company. I ran all sales and marketing in my 20s, so I [I] kept getting exposed to thoughts that allowed me to start to see what we could create. We have crappy things that happen sometimes, but we can create wonderful things in our lives. And a life without limits, Matt, doesn’t mean that every single area of your life is always working perfectly. What it does mean is where you find a blockage of this breakthrough code that I talk about in the book, which is a parable. It allows you, maybe not instantaneously, but it allows you to create a breakthrough. Whatever’s important in your life where you feel stuck, you can create a breakthrough. And when you do that, it makes all of your life richer and fuller. [It] doesn’t mean there won’t be issues and problems. There are a lot of times when we mention blessings. But I’ve seen successful people. This ability to get unstuck and that’s what I wanted to share with the world.
05:15.76
Matt DeCoursey
Yeah, that’s pretty interesting. So basically, the very first part of The Breakthrough Code [is] just to believe that you can do it.
05:26.69
Tom McCarthy
Well, there are big ideas in The Breakthrough Code. In the very first part, I call to focus on less and then obsess. So, we have a certain amount of energy coming into the day, right? When we wake up, we have some willpower. We’ve got some energy, and most people spread it way too thin. They’re trying to do everything. They become jack-of-all-trades, masters of none. If you’re going to create a breakthrough, you need focused energy. You don’t need a light bulb. You need a laser. So you’ve got to focus now, not 24/7. You don’t have to be thinking about it or working 24/7, but you do have to apply some focus to your mind. Ask every morning what you want me to focus on? Most people really don’t have focus. It’s just what email popped up [or] who just texted me. If you want to create a breakthrough, you’ve got to figure out what is the result you want and then focus on where you allow the mind. I will set the brain, but it’s bigger than the brain. It’s the mind that absorbs it, and one of the habits that we talk about is to see it, feel it, believe it, and then let it go. That’s the work that they’re doing when they create before they create a breakthrough. The mind, once it’s accepted it because you showed it what it looks like to create that breakthrough, you felt what it feels like to already have it. And then you believe it, and you create a feeling of certainty, then it’ll go to work on it. And then, the last thing I just want to say is to focus on less than obsess. The obsession is not a conscious obsession. A lot of people think you’ve got to be thinking about every second of the day. I don’t believe that we’ve got a conscious mind that can process 40 bits of information per second. We could put that to work. But it’s going to be super hard, and it doesn’t process as efficiently as what I call your super conscious mind. Most people call it the subconscious. The superconscious can process 40,000,000 bits of information per second. That’s the part of your mind you want working 24/7, and then your conscious mind can be free to go and live life. You’ve got to program it, though, probably at least two times a day, down in the subconscious. It’s best to do it when you’re in an alpha state, a lower cycling brainwave state, almost a daydreaming state. So [that is] first thing in the morning and first thing at night, or right before we go to bed at night. So that’s the first big idea. It’s nothing shocking but focuses on the interesting thing. I’m not talking about a conscious focus. We use the conscious mind to program the subconscious.
08:14.85
Tom McCarthy
Literally can work miracles in ways that are even hard to describe. Yeah.
08:17.87
Matt DeCoursey
So hang on, I know you got three of these, but I want to stop? Let’s stop it at the end of each one, so you say, focus on less than obsess.
08:24.93
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah.
08:29.14
Matt DeCoursey
Sounds like familiar advice that I give to a lot of startup founders before you try to do six other things. So I see a lot of that watering down now when it comes to being an entrepreneur or a founder, especially earlier in the city. So I have 250 employees.
08:30.13
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
08:45.43
Matt DeCoursey
At this point, I’ve got a lot of back-ups, but I didn’t always, and I’m always thin in other spots. When I was a founder of a rapidly growing company, I thought about focusing on less now. I’m already obsessed with a lot of things I think are there. But. Some of the stuff, you can’t tune out some of that noise. So what’s the best way to go about doing that?
09:03.56
Tom McCarthy
Well, I’m not talking about the way to run your life is just to constantly do this. I’m saying where you’re stuck, like if I’m an entrepreneur and I’m trying to create a software program. You mentioned your ad at the very beginning. I can dive in there, and I can try and. Work on it and become a software programmer or hire my buddy over here or I can leverage by coming to your company, and that’s what you need to do too, honestly like, as an entrepreneur I. I had lots of companies. I had restaurants. I’ve had insurance companies. I had a software company. I have a training company. So I’ve got all these companies, some I’ve sold, but I’m great at only a few things. I’m great at literally looking at an opportunity and coming up with a vision and a plan to get the right people on board. And it’s interesting like when you are an entrepreneur You do think you have to do everything yourself and maybe in the beginning you do because money’s tight, but the outsourcing ability that we have now with companies like yours or you know all the people that literally are. Looking for opportunities, but they don’t want full and full-time employment where you can do it for, as you said, an affordable cost. So I think the illusion that you have to do it all as an entrepreneur is something that really hurt me at the beginning of my career as an entrepreneur and burns me out right now. I leverage the heck out of people, and it’s a lot easier and a lot more fun, and I’m making a lot more money.
10:39.14
Matt DeCoursey
Yeah, I think one of the things that’s a challenge for any entrepreneur is like you said it’s to stop chasing all the shiny things. That’s, I mean, you know, largely because of this podcast, I get a lot of people to reach out for a lot of different reasons, and you know and like.
10:46.30
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
10:56.30
Matt DeCoursey
I don’t know. I’m kind of at the point right now where I don’t want to do anything new because I’m trying to have those blinders on, which I think takes discipline now. One other thing you mentioned, so I actually often start my days by just kind of laying on my couch after I wake up, and I’m kind of in that daydream state. I’m trying to actually picture and visualize.
11:10.25
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
11:14.96
Matt DeCoursey
Things that I want to do. How I need to do them. And sometimes I just let my mind go. Sometimes it tells me or shows me what I need to do. That is what you’re talking about by visualization.
11:17.19
Tom McCarthy
Oh yeah.
11:24.23
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, so the mind is like a little child. It’s literally asking you what you want me to do, and once it has the instructions. It’ll do it. It’ll do it whether it’s good for you or bad for you like people go. Why is my life so crappy? Well. You programmed a bunch of crap beliefs inside of you, and the mind is just acting out on those, but I don’t know if you can see behind me. There’s a red and white ball that was from the arsenal football club, and back in 2005, they called me up. They were undefeated that year.
11:42.58
Matt DeCoursey
No.
11:50.00
Matt DeCoursey
You see it.
11:59.26
Tom McCarthy
And there are sports psychologists who had gone through some training I’d done over, and in London, he called me up, and he said hey I need your help I said what’s going on his name was David he goes well, and I didn’t know what he did actually I didn’t know much about soccer or they called football. But he said, well, I’m those sports psychologists for the Arsenal Football Club who I didn’t know who they are now, but he said we’re playing in the fa cup championship, which is the equivalent of the super bowl in the United States and he said I got to talk to the team on Friday and whatever I say hopefully he’s going to help them be their best on Saturday and then he asked me what should I tell them. And I said, David, look, you’ve coached them all year. They’re undefeated. Tell him whatever you’ve been telling him. He said I know, but what’s one thing I could tell him? What would you tell him, Matt?
12:44.20
Matt DeCoursey
I mean, I’d tell them, you know, doing what you’ve done brought you this far, get back out there and do it and like don’t even think about it. I mean, it’s then, you know, I’ve spent a lot of time talking to high performers myself and a lot of them. You know, at that point, you’ve had the reps, you’ve had the practice. It’s automatic. So don’t overthink it.
12:49.35
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
13:00.33
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, I love that. That’s great advice. I told them one thing when they go to bed that night if they have thoughts of worry, anxiety, and fear of making a mistake.
13:03.38
Matt DeCoursey
Get out there and have fun.
13:15.50
Tom McCarthy
That will probably show up in the game if they go to bed that night already knowing to feel that they are the champions and that they won that game which is hard for most people, Matt. Most people need to actually see it where they can touch it. They can see it has already happened, then they believe in something that is one of the big separators of human beings because everything’s created twice first inside than outside. The masters of the universe are masters at creating it inside first. Like literally seeing it, feeling it, [and] believing it. And that’s what I told him to tell them like they have to really see it as if it’s done create it inside so that it starts forming on the outside, and they told them that, and that’s not why they won the game probably, but it could have been a factor, but they did end up winning that game, and I have tons of stories of. Athletes and corporations and just everybody like you’re a very successful guy, but everything is created twice. You had to create that inside first, everything like the computer that we’re looking at the desk in front of us that was all created with a feeling of certainty that was possible. Inside somebody’s head before it ever got created on the outside.
14:36.13
Matt DeCoursey
Yeah, you know it’s about fifteen years ago um and so at that point I’m 31, and you know so my story is yeah I dropped out of 5 colleges and um some of which were no trust me, there’s more that I’ve talked of the driving test.
14:50.50
Tom McCarthy
It’s going to be a record map that’s got to record five like yeah.
14:55.41
Matt DeCoursey
There are plenty of people that have gone further but not many, but you know that sometimes for the right reasons like the last I mean, I dropped out of a top 10 business school last because I started a business that has turned into everything that we’ve done now.
15:04.90
Tom McCarthy
Um, oh yeah.
15:08.20
Matt DeCoursey
Um, but so much of that, I remember a specific period of sitting back and looking around at all the people that I admired that I felt were successful that had done a lot of stuff, and I started kind of doing this checklist I was like I have these same qualities and in many cases may be ah, a better skill set. And a lot of this and that morphed into this belief which kind of, you know, some people refer to as a self-fulfilling prophecy, whatever you want to call it. But I think you do have to believe that you can do it before you don’t, before you even try. Otherwise, you shouldn’t probably be upset that you’re not getting what you want, and I think a big part of that, too, is like. Stop complaining about not having the things that you want in your life and get to work changing that. So. Okay, so that was principle one. What’s the second one?
15:50.44
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so the second one aligns and strengthens principle one. So we’re really focused. We’re creating certainty about it. The second principle is to upgrade your story and upgrade your life. And so, at the end of the day, and you probably have heard this before, all we are really are the stories. We tell ourselves who we are, and that’s why some people can go through tremendous adversity but leave it behind or use it as a reason why they’re successful. And other people can go through tremendous adversity and be these victims their entire life, actually creating more adversity than is even necessary for them in their life. It’s the stories we have inside of ourselves, and so a couple of things I would say on this, as some people say, just think positive that works. But if you have underlying disempowering beliefs, or you keep thinking of that time when you know your life fell apart or you screwed something up, then you’re trying to pile a more powerful story on a weak foundation. So one of the habits. I believe that you have to let go of your old baggage, those old stories you keep telling yourself that keep limiting you and keep creating pretty much the same types of challenges that you get over and over again. Ah, one of the things that I say is that. You’re under no obligation to be the exact same person. You were 5 minutes ago now. Physically, you may look the same but at the end of the day. It’s that story that’s driving us, and so I’ve had to let go. I used to tell myself, as I would never think I would do something like this. My asthma is up cause I’m shy about that. I don’t like talking to people, and I kept describing myself through my teens, and probably in my early 20 s was shy. Well, that was an old story that I had to let go of, and now you know, for thirty-some years, I’ve been speaking around the world and working with the top companies in the world, coaching lots of. Top executives on how they can become even better at speaking. That’s one of my fields of expertise. So let go of old baggage and then create your new breakthrough story, and I’ll give you a little example of how this might work so not that this will happen for everybody right away. But my son is a young guy. And private equity. So he’s 20, just actually turned 26 years old, and he was working on a deal with his senior partners to buy Forbes, and they were going to raise some money and buy Forbes, and I told my son I said, hey, program your mine.
18:33.45
Tom McCarthy
Put a story in your mind that you’re always in the right place at the right time. Is it like, dad, who should I talk to? I said, well, just program in your mind that you’re always in the right place at the right time, and he believes in the mind he’s really a huge believer in that he’s a really sharp young guy who was a college basketball player at Harvard. I got his MBA or working on getting his MBA from Rice University. But I said program your mind with that, and so he did he started working on it about a week later he calls me up said dad never believe what happened I said what he goes well I’m walking down the street he lives up in west Hollywood he goes I’m walking down the street and this guy’s jogging towards me. And right before he gets him, he stops right in front of me, and he says, I don’t know why I’m stopping. I never even jog this way. I live in Beverly Hills. I don’t even jog this way, but something tells me I need to talk to you, and I said how that makes me feel sad. Freaked me out, dad, and I said how old he was when he was gone. He’s like your age. He’s an old guy, and I said, well, what did he say? Well, he asked me what I do, and I said what did you tell him he said well, I’m an investor, and the guy went I’m an investor too, and they talked, but the guy didn’t tell him much about what he did, but he gave. My son Tommy has his information. He said look, if there’s ever a reason we need to talk, get back in touch with me. So my son goes back and looks him up, and he’s a billionaire. He is also the founder and managing director of a $4000000000 private equity fund. My son calls him back up. He said hey, we’re working on this deal to buy Forbes. Would you like to take a look at it? Guy said, sure, he goes, I was really impressed with you. I’ll take a look at it, so he meets two days later for lunch with Tommy and his three senior partners, and he goes I really like it. I want another guy to look at it before i. Commit anything, so he brings another guy in two days later, they have dinner, and both those guys commit $100,000,000 each to the Forbes deal. So maybe that’s a coincidence but think about it if you mind the super conscious part of your mind, which can process 40,000,000 bits of information per second. Also, it does not reside just in your head. Your mind is bigger than your body. It. It actually reaches outside your body and can sense energy to get information. If my son had been on that sidewalk 30 seconds later or 30 seconds earlier, that meeting wouldn’t happen. So some people say it’s a coincidence, but I have things like that happen all the time in my life, and it’s because I’ve programmed a story in my head that those things happen. As an investor, I have had literally three opportunities in the past year where I don’t even know how they came to me, but I was.
21:20.18
Tom McCarthy
I don’t know if you know SPS, but I was a sponsor to a space where I was able to get sponsor shares and make quite a bit of money even though the market’s beat up at another company less than a year ago that was brought to me that was an energy storage company. Using a really unique method came out of Bill. Gross’s idea labs and invested in that less than ten months later, I had a 7 x when it went public, and it’s actually still holding up pretty good. These are not things that I’ve earned, so to speak. Me out there working, these are things that I program in my mind, and these opportunities tend to show up.
21:59.92
Matt DeCoursey
I think one of the things that is key to that is, you know, you mentioned your son Tommy. That’s a crazy story, by the way, but you know, I think that being positive about that kind of outcome is a good receiver.
22:06.30
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah.
22:17.70
Matt DeCoursey
You know, like it. It makes it easier to hear these things because someone with a negative mindset is thinking that’s not going to happen, that guy’s probably going to pull up and stop and be like, hey, I should talk to you, and you’re like get away from me who are you crazy.
22:27.96
Tom McCarthy
Um, exactly? Um, yeah.
22:31.32
Matt DeCoursey
Right? Because I feel like that’s what like the negative like a closed-minded person like I don’t know man I’m kind of weird like that too like I mean I’ll just stop, and just maybe you know, and by the way, I’m like the most introverted extrovert you’ll ever meet right? Because I’m usually busy being obsessed with . . .
22:42.11
Tom McCarthy
Probably just like me. Yeah. Yeah.
22:49.74
Matt DeCoursey
You know, as people confuse me for being a social butterfly, I’d prefer you to just leave me alone so I can obsess on whatever I’m assessed on. But yeah, there are certain things that I’ve noticed that I don’t have any stories that are that ah that exact. But I think you have got to believe these things are going to happen. Well, for me, the one that’s probably the so everyone that knows me will always say they’re like, dude, everything always works out for you. But I literally believe it will. I mean, like, it’s like a very strong part of mine.
23:13.60
Tom McCarthy
And yeah.
23:20.93
Matt DeCoursey
Thought process, and you know my wife will even say like during the pandemic and just all this different stuff. Was she like, you’re handling this, really? Well, I’m like yeah, but things always work out for me and like but do they I’m like name a time. It didn’t, and she’ll, and she’ll maybe name something that didn’t go well. But then.
23:26.94
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:37.64
Matt DeCoursey
You know I say sometimes you have to dig through the shit because you never know there could be a diamond in the middle of it, so they’re always kind of making things good that that normally aren’t good now speaking of good things today’s episode of Startup Hustle is brought to you by FullScale.io. Helping you build a software team quickly and affordably. You know that’s my company, and I’d love to help you out by going to FullScale.io. Answer a couple of questions, and our system’s going to match you up with available technology providers. You know we have over 250 people. I just hired my two hundred and fiftieth employee, Tom. 250, man, have probably 400 by the end of the year and
24:09.65
Tom McCarthy
Um, wow.
24:16.83
Matt DeCoursey
You know, some of that is I see it like I see a lot of it. I see thousands of employees, and it’s probably good that I do because the 250 I have now plus the rest that we will continue to add are counting on me to have it together and have my story figured out, and it’s kind of funny as my story is. Very connected so most of our employees are in Sabu City in the Philippines and I hired someone there thirteen years ago to help me solve a technical problem and you know it wasn’t until nine years I had employees there for a long time, but it wasn’t until nine years later we decided to help solve the problem where.
24:38.82
Tom McCarthy
My home. Wow.
24:52.22
Matt DeCoursey
There aren’t enough computer programmers in the United States, so okay, so we focus on less, and so we can obsess. I get that. I often ask people? What’s the difference between being driven and being obsessed? The answer for me is it depends on who you ask.
24:53.79
Tom McCarthy
I Love it. Um, yeah.
25:07.84
Matt DeCoursey
And then, you know, then we upgraded our story. I even wrote some of my stories into my book million-dollar bedroom, so you know how I wrote that, and I was thinking, man.
25:12.36
Tom McCarthy
What I do.
25:18.80
Matt DeCoursey
I’m writing this way too early. I’m going to have to write like three more of these because I’m just getting started, so speaking of just getting started. Let’s get started on this third point because I’m dying to hear it.
25:24.57
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, well, and before the third point, the great thing you just mentioned is you’d have to write additional books because your story keeps evolving, and unfortunately, for most people, this story doesn’t evolve, and they keep. Telling themselves the same story over and over again. Everything is energy. Everything Einstein said, everything’s energy and energy follows thought, so when we create a new story now we’ve got this energy following a newer thought creating a new reality, so that’s super important that the story continues to evolve. I thought I had you know it. Ah, great early career, and I thought I knew everything and I’d figured life out, and I know so much more now because I didn’t let my story get stuck with past successes, and I think that’s a great lesson that you just brought out so the third big idea. Is. You’ve got to pack your day with effective action. So I do not believe in massive action. So even just the little commercial that you just ran and I mentioned earlier, I could probably figure out how to program and do some of my own work, but that would be really ineffective action. So the equation I like to talk about is effort. How hard you work is multiplied by effectiveness, and that equals results. A lot of people think I just need to work harder, and if you’re not working that much yet, you probably do. But someone like you, you’re not gonna work harder. You’re not gonna you’re not gonna work. Twenty hours a day, maybe you already do that already. You’re going to find ways to take your effort and make it more effective. How do you grow your business from where it is now to 2 3 x? It’s not going to be you working harder. It’s going to be you bringing in high-quality people. That can get results that the business isn’t getting quite yet even though you’re very successful, and it’s you leveraging yourself, so effort times effectiveness equals results and in this whole thing of you got to take massive action. I did that when I was younger. I kind of burned myself out now, as I mentioned. When I focus, and I have the right programs, and then I’m almost guided. It’s almost like your intuition will move you in that direction. It’s not like you’re frantically looking for what to do next? What can I do next when a lot of people are trying to figure life out? That’s what they do. You get guided, right? and that’s the third big principle in the book. How do you take more effective action where you’ve got 2 to 3 times the effectiveness or ten times the effectiveness with the same amount of effort? Now you have ten times the results. Yeah.
28:08.61
Matt DeCoursey
Simple question I ask myself all day is this the best use of my time, you know, and people say, well, what? What is the best use of your time, you know? Well, that’s up to you to determine. It’s not, you know, like.
28:14.57
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, and because most. Um, yeah.
28:23.47
Matt DeCoursey
Values are created in so many different ways, shapes, and forms. I mentioned dropping out of five schools. I learned something at most of those five, and you know, at the last one, the one that really stood out was the idea of opportunity cost, and you know I got into that, and you know.
28:36.19
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
28:41.12
Matt DeCoursey
And mentioned I wrote a book about achievement. It’s based on a little bit. It actually has a lot of similarities to some of the things you’re talking about. I actually created a scoring system that you can teach yourself to help you understand. So it’s all about if you’re moving towards your goals.
28:41.75
Tom McCarthy
And when.
28:49.70
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
28:55.47
Matt DeCoursey
Whether they be personal, professional, or physical and those are the categories and my outlook on this and like if those categories get you to know they have a different balance for each one and it says right in the beginning. This isn’t a life balance book because there’s no such thing.
28:59.47
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
29:09.40
Matt DeCoursey
And also, there’s no right answer. I think you have to figure it out on your own, right? Answer and with opportunity costs, you need to think about what you’re giving up sometimes, and I think a lot of times entrepreneurs give up things that are highly valuable that aren’t related to the business like your family like.
29:14.77
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
29:21.69
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:25.33
Matt DeCoursey
Do you know? So I’m going to a private function for a local venture capital firm today, and you know, honestly, from a business perspective. It’d be a good thing for me to stay to the whole thing and maybe go hang out with people afterward. I’m not doing that; I’m going to be there for an hour. I’m going to my daughter’s softball game.
29:39.99
Tom McCarthy
Man.
29:42.31
Matt DeCoursey
You know, like there’s more value in that like all those people here in my hometown. I mean, honestly, they already know who I am. They know what I do. It’ll be good to see them and say hello. But you know I can. I can invite them out to do other different things, and you know this is my daughter. She’s seven years old. So the first softball game of the season.
29:50.48
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
29:57.26
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
30:00.78
Matt DeCoursey
I have been working on a lot of stuff and catching, you know, like yesterday I taught her how to ride a bike dude like literally without the training wheels like I mean like for me like that’s like okay so if I could have stayed and sat in my computer and could have done a lot I could have I don’t know I could have done a lot of other stuff.
30:03.83
Tom McCarthy
Um, that’s awesome. Yeah.
30:18.16
Matt DeCoursey
What could I have done that would have been more valuable or memorable in my life and her life than that? You know, so now that said, that’s always the entrepreneur’s dilemma because, you know, as you said, so my whole theory is that success demands payment in advance.
30:21.60
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
30:34.71
Matt DeCoursey
Just got to figure out what it is that you want and start writing those checks so but really, in the end, if you let the rest of your life, so you talk about being limitless and all this stuff. You can’t let certain parts of your life fall apart just to be successful professionally.
30:36.24
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
30:42.42
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
30:50.68
Matt DeCoursey
You’re going to find that that doesn’t have any flavor when your wife leaves you, or your kids are jerks because you never spend any time with them, or maybe you got fat and out of shape. That’s like one of the things I’m battling right now, as the pandemic brought me to I’m a big guy. I’m six foot four and.
30:55.15
Tom McCarthy
The out.
31:05.40
Matt DeCoursey
Currently, two hundred and sixty pounds, I’m not comfortable with that. You know, the only thing I seem to respond to is the keto diet. So I’m back on it. You know, it’s like, and you know, just certain things. It’s like you have to draw a line and say you know what this is where this stops, and as you said, you begin that new story. You begin that new thing. So.
31:06.15
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah, ah, okay, yeah, yeah.
31:23.71
Tom McCarthy
Well, let me say one thing because I just want to pile on top of what you’re saying. For me, the most important role I had in life was being the father of two amazing kids. I have my daughter; she was first born.
31:23.79
Matt DeCoursey
I have enough, all right, I have a question about this. Oh yeah, go ahead, Go ahead.
31:40.52
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, I just weathered right before I got on this show with you, and then our son is like three years younger and especially growing up without a dad. So I’ve been entrepreneurial ever since I had the job with the Wall Street firm for a couple of years, the youngest ever hired out of college by this wall street firm, and then I ran Tony Robbins’ company for a couple of years, but then after that, I’ve always had my own companies, and obviously, there’s a lot of stress, but my kids were all were by far the number one most important thing in my life particularly since I grew up without a debt. Wanted to be the best dad I could be. I’ve been married 30 years, we have two great kids, and I would trade that or I wouldn’t trade that for any amount of money, and I made lots and lots of money, so it can be done. Were there times where I was working really hard for, you know, periods of time during that where I didn’t have as much time for my kids, sure? Were there times when I was traveling? Yeah, but then when I was back home, I would go to their praxis. Are they games, right? That was the fun part. So if you’re an entrepreneur, that part of your life with your children and your spouse, can fuel you to come back even more refreshed when you get back into the business part of your day.
32:57.58
Matt DeCoursey
Yeah, I think the key with that is also finding someone that supports your vision in that regard, meaning like a husband-wife partner. Whatever the situation you’re in and you know, like I have a very supportive wife that you know sometimes I tell her I’m like I got to go take care of this.
33:03.15
Tom McCarthy
Meaning.
33:13.00
Tom McCarthy
Yeah.
33:14.79
Matt DeCoursey
And she’s like, all right, cool, I’ll see when I get back, and it’s not, you know, and it’s not easy on either 1 of us. I mean, for her, she wouldn’t want to deal with the stress and the crap that whatever you know I’m dealing with on the other side. She’d rather, you know, deal with the kids, which on some days is my biggest fear. I’m like, please.
33:24.39
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
33:29.91
Tom McCarthy
Are.
33:33.10
Matt DeCoursey
Don’t leave me alone with them for too long; I need enough of them. But if you leave me alone for too long, I might because I’m kind of like, you know, many listeners are going to be too young to remember the movie Mr. Mom, but that was me with what was his name but Keaton Michael Keaton yeah yeah so all right? So.
33:42.44
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:51.99
Matt DeCoursey
You’ve been called the world’s number one high-stakes performance coach. So what does that mean?
33:56.49
Tom McCarthy
Well, I think what it means with the people that have asked me to come work with them and have kind of coined that is I work with people when they’re under a lot of pressure. So like you know, athletes like you know Arsenal Football Club under a lot of pressure needed to perform big. But most of my work is not with athletes. I have worked with some world champions. I worked with 4 Olympic Gold Medalists also. Many of the financial companies like MetLife, and a lot of times I’m called in when something didn’t work like maybe they got up, and they gave a presentation, and it bombed, or something’s not working in their team, and they need just an outside person to. Give them some perspective, and so I’m not in it with them every day, so I can come in a more, I guess, calm or enlightened way and help them a lot of times using The Breakthrough Code and other techniques we do help them find a way out of the situation they’re in where they can really perform at a high level. They’re individuals. Or as a team, and I thrive on that, like, even in our own family. My kids were both athletes. My son was a college basketball player. My daughter actually went to UCLA. She was an all-American soccer player. So pray for all American national champions, and we had a saying around the McCarthy house growing up. You know the McCarthy house, we pressure for breakfast, so we actually like pressure. My son would be the guy that wants the shot at the end of the game. My daughter has made game-winning goals in huge games. I mean, it’s the kind of stuff that we actually like around our house. And yet most people don’t, and so what I really try and do is help people step up when the stakes are high.
35:55.71
Matt DeCoursey
That’s a very familiar message. In my household, in some regards, but my wife is afraid of public speaking, and I crave it and so.
36:00.88
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah.
36:14.14
Matt DeCoursey
And so sometimes it’s like, you know, I don’t know once again, I think it’s good to have someone around you that supports the things that you need to do and sometimes tells you the encouraging things. So once again, with me today, I’ve got Tom McCarthy now. You can learn more about Tom at TomMcCarthy.com. There’s a link for that in the show notes.
36:18.90
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
36:30.78
Matt DeCoursey
Can also go to http://breakthroughcode.com and learn more now. I think we’d be a little remiss if we didn’t, you know, we’ve been talking about The Breakthrough Code, and that’s your latest book. Do you have more?
36:41.27
Tom McCarthy
I wrote a couple of books actually on presenting, so the one that’s still on Amazon is called win the presentation game, and I look at it as a game like when you get up to present, I was terrible at it. I remember Tony Robbins put me up in front of 1000 people when I was, you know.
36:44.86
Matt DeCoursey
Okay.
36:59.94
Tom McCarthy
Twenty-five years old, I was horrible. I was so humiliated as I never wanted to do this again, and I figured I had to figure it out. You know, I had to figure out a way to get better at it, and so I literally looked at this is what I do. I look at people that are. Really successful, and I just try and figure out no more than three steps. That’s why The Breakthrough Code has three big ideas and wins the presentation game with three big ideas. Now there are a lot of sub-ideas. But there are three things that the best presenters on the planet do number one. They know how to create a compelling story. Not a presentation with a bunch of slides. They could have slides, but it’s going to flow like story number 2. They show up, I call it feeling like a winner. They showed up even if they were nervous ten days ago. They show up in a way where they know they’ve crushed it, and then number 3, they energize and engage their audience, and so we show people how to do that. We do those training all over the world.
37:57.81
Matt DeCoursey
Those are all good things to have, you know it’s like the mention that speaking and I mean people are more afraid of death, or they’re more afraid of public speaking than death and like this is like a very well-known.
38:08.20
Tom McCarthy
Um, if.
38:12.50
Matt DeCoursey
Fact and it’s one of the things that so many people have to overcome to be successful because I don’t know so much about life is selling and you talk about like you selling your idea that could just be to your wife as to why you need to go do whatever you’re going to do on Friday but.
38:21.10
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
38:28.50
Matt DeCoursey
You know, I actually put ah put a little bit of ah a twist onto that, and my book balanced me where understanding the personality style of the person that you’re talking to because my personality style goes over real well with some people and bombs with others. So.
38:32.98
Tom McCarthy
You know. Me.
38:47.23
Matt DeCoursey
It’s not up. It’s easy in the beginning to think, well, why these people just don’t get me to forget them. Well, if you want to be heard by them. You’re going to have to do a couple of things to maybe change your approach to speak the language that they’re going to hear best. So I think those are some of the things in presenting now back to The Breakthrough Code.
38:58.25
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, yeah.
39:04.87
Matt DeCoursey
You mentioned Jonathan Bowman, so who’s Jonathan Bowman?
39:06.34
Tom McCarthy
Well, this book really is. It’s fiction. But there’s a lot of my life and my observations in the book. So Jonathan Bowman is a young, talented guy but had lots of hardships growing up, and he learns through these three mentors. The breakthrough code one of the mentors of the first mentor is ah is in the book is a guy named Bob Woodberry, and my dad had a friend named Bob Woodbury who they were young army officers together Bob had gone to an ivy league school Dartmouth my dad had gone to west point, and they were in the eighty-second airborne and during one of the jumps. Ah, Bob Woodbury parachuted out of the airplane, but his parachute didn’t open up, and so he had obviously a very hard landing, very fortunate to even be alive but broke his back in several places, and when my dad passed away. We didn’t know Bob Woodbury because that was. Earlier in my dad’s career, he wrote us a letter and he talked about the impact that my dad had on him and said that when he was in the hospital for three or four months, my dad was the only person that every single day came to check on him and make sure he was doing okay and. He offered to send two younger brothers. He wrote a letter to my mom and still had the letter, but he offered to put one of us through school, and every Christmas, he would send us, I think it was like a hundred dollars but back each a hundred dollar bill or maybe he’s 200, but back in. Those days. It was a fortune because we didn’t have any money, and we were barely getting by, so he was such a mentor to me, and he helped me get my first job at the wall street company. I have him there, and then there are parts of lots of different people in there. But there’s no one character like I’m not a character. But I hope it’s a fun story. We’ve gotten great feedback on it, and we’ve got a lot of big endorsements from some of the real leaders in the world.
41:05.30
Matt DeCoursey
Yeah, I’m going to check it out, man. I like your style, so you know it’s I think that if you find someone that is feeding you the mental stuff that you need, I mean you got to kind of take it from there. There are a lot of different directions. You can go now. Yeah, you mentioned, you know, working with Tony Robbins, and you know all these different people. How important. Do you think it is to just find someone that’s giving you like whether it’s you me this podcast whoever it is, I think if you can find positive influence and people that move you?
41:37.60
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah, yeah.
41:38.79
Matt DeCoursey
Just move you like I think that’s the people who ask me like what’s the most difficult thing about running a big company moving people getting people to move like you mentioned that as being kind of the third part of your presentation.
41:44.63
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah, yeah, um, yeah.
41:51.59
Matt DeCoursey
Ah, you know you got if you can’t excite people and get them to buy into what you’re doing, then well, because all you can do is all you can do. So do you think it’s important for everyone, regardless of your own self-perceived success, to have mentors and people that you look to help?
41:53.73
Tom McCarthy
Um, I could take action. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:08.54
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, I think mentors are inspirers like me, and I’m inspired by people that we have in my training company. We have a 3 part mantra that kind of drives our behavior number 1 is we always play big.
42:09.24
Matt DeCoursey
Move you.
42:24.87
Tom McCarthy
Doesn’t matter what’s going on. Are we going to find a way to play big, right? Number two is we eat pressure for breakfast. I told you that one earlier, and number 3 is we spread the love. We really love people up and make them feel good when they’re in our training but always playing big ah like what I look for is people that are playing big people that are going for it that inspires me, Tony. Is somebody that to this day right? You know he plays big and where you know we work on some different things together. Um, but also what I like now too is that I’m older. I’m an elder statesman now.
42:58.55
Matt DeCoursey
I’m an experienced statesman.
43:01.11
Tom McCarthy
You’re not even there, don’t yeah, you’re not even close to me yet. So I don’t want to hear from you but find younger people like you, right? And for people even I’m working with some people that are in their 20 s and thirty s that just have all this energy and these really, you know, incredible Sometimes crazy ideas. And I like teaming up with those people because that energy that they sometimes have, you know when you’ve done well, and you’ve kind of felt like you’ve made it, you can settle in. I don’t want to settle in yet. Maybe one day I will, but right now, I still want to be thinking bigger and see how I can help more people on the planet live that. Life with unlit, without limits that I believe they can.
43:42.14
Matt DeCoursey
You meant you mentioned Forbes earlier. I won an award for them for being one of their top 1000 startup people last year, and I did an interview about it, and they said well, how do you feel about this accomplishment, and I said well, I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything yet I’m just getting started.
43:49.34
Tom McCarthy
Awesome! Yeah.
43:56.84
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah, yeah.
44:00.17
Matt DeCoursey
And that’s the whole thing, and by the way, the highlight of my week is when someone called me young. I mentioned having 250 employees; I am the second oldest out of all of them. So yeah, that’s like yeah, that’s life in a tech company. I’ll tell you that much before we get into the founders’ freestyle, you know. Thanks.
44:09.68
Tom McCarthy
Um, second of all this. Yeah.
44:19.90
Matt DeCoursey
Joining me, Tom has been very insightful. I want to remind everybody that Startup Hustle was brought to you by Full Scale, helping you build a software team quickly and affordably. Now, if you’re into Startup Hustle, have you joined the Startup Hustle chat on Facebook. We sometimes talk about some stuff in there that you might want to participate in. Come there and join us. If you’re interested in seeing the video series we put out last year, Startup Hustle TV, head on over to Youtube. You can learn more about it now. I mentioned that I end my episodes of Startup Hustle with the founders’ freestyle because I’m not the only host. That is why I said my episodes make sure you tune in weekly from a business partner at both at and co-founder both at Full Scale and Startup Hustle, Matt Watson has a weekly show now. Matt knows a couple of things. He’s got some huge exits and has some very interesting insight. Make sure you tune in weekly with Andrew Morgans, CEO and founder of Marknology. He’ll teach you a whole lot about selling stuff on Amazon. And tune in for one of my weekly episodes with Lauren Conaway, the founder of InnovateHER KC. You know Lauren handles all the topics and stuff that I’m afraid to talk about publicly. So thank you for that, Lauren, but you know, as I mentioned, it’s time for our founders’ freestyle, and you know you get to sum up what you get to say whatever you want here. Tom, you told me before we hit record that you weren’t going to sing or rap.
45:23.99
Tom McCarthy
Um.
45:41.12
Matt DeCoursey
We’re going to have to live with and handle our disappointment with that. If I only had known that I needed to get you to picture yourself doing it ahead of time, we could have had a different outcome. Maybe when we have you back. We’ll be able to get that in. So what do yeah, what do you have to say on the way out, sir.
45:46.59
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah. Ah, so I want to. I want everyone to just do a little experience with me, so cross your arms, and Matt, you can do it to cross your arms way. You normally cross them just kind of yeah, there you go and notice which one’s on top, which one’s on the bottom, and I want everyone to do this because I’m gonna prove a point to you. So that feels comfortable, right? That’s why you normally do it now, take them apart and put them back the opposite way. Yeah, yeah, that’s struggling. I don’t know if you can see him, but Matt’s dragging a little bit. Yeah yeah, but see, that’s that feeling that feels weird.
46:16.77
Matt DeCoursey
Feels weird, almost can’t do it? Yeah yeah. How do arms work again? Yeah.
46:29.15
Tom McCarthy
We just try to be more comfortable. It’s like being in all those clogged-up lanes and traffic. Everyone else is there. There’s that fast lane that you could get to, but it takes getting uncomfortable. If you’re willing to do it, and as an entrepreneur, you have to really be willing to do it. If I asked Matt how many times did he do something that felt uncomfortable, not violating his values. But just yeah, but just things that you had to expand yourself.
46:57.53
Matt DeCoursey
A lot, a lot.
47:04.46
Tom McCarthy
It’s why he has 250 employees on his way to 400? You guys have heard tons of podcasts where someone tells you this is the key to success, and then you go, yeah, that makes sense, and then maybe you dabbled at it, or you didn’t even try it as oh that’s him, not me or that’s her not me look these principles work. But when you change your story. What I’m talking about upgrading your story, I’m talking about literally getting rid of the crap that you’ve been holding onto that you go. Yeah, it’s crap. But I’m comfortable with this crap. Well, get rid of it. It’ll feel a little bit uncomfortable to feel a little bit weird, but that’s what’s required, and that’s what I would end with you. You have this ability to. Create a breakthrough in any area of your life, a magnificent breakthrough, but you have to get uncomfortable, and you have to start craving that feeling of learning something new or trying something and not being that good at it. That’s what’s required. To get to where you want to go.
48:01.94
Matt DeCoursey
A couple of follow-up things here that stood out for me today. First off, I love thinking big things like let’s do something big and meaningful or let’s wait till we have the idea that meets those requirements, I think with the. You know the uncomfortable part. I think that that’s a key ingredient. You know, one of the things that talked about in my book balanced me was so you’re seeking change in your life, but you need to understand that change is an uncomfortable thing, and most people struggle with it, and the thing that most people have to get over and learn is that the thing we need to change the most is ourselves.
48:37.99
Tom McCarthy
No.
48:39.99
Matt DeCoursey
We are, without a doubt, our own worst enemy. We have the worst conversations about ourselves. If you’re not comfortable with making that change and identifying the fact that you’re probably your own biggest problem, then you’re not ready to change yet. And you know, change isn’t something that . . .
48:46.52
Tom McCarthy
Yep.
48:52.82
Tom McCarthy
Um, yeah.
48:58.74
Matt DeCoursey
You just do it one time. It requires a constant state to tune-up, and I compare it to a top, like a children’s toy. You spin it, and it has this nice, tight rotation, and eventually, it wobbles and falls over. You pick it up and spin that thing again. And the more you spin it, the better you’ll get at spinning it. But you’re always going to kind of fall off the axis a little bit.
49:13.61
Tom McCarthy
The other.
49:18.72
Matt DeCoursey
And get into territory that isn’t comfortable. But look, things that are worth doing are difficult, and big things are difficult to do alone. So get ready to be uncomfortable and find some other people that are cool with being uncomfortable along with you.
49:27.78
Tom McCarthy
Unit.
49:33.60
Tom McCarthy
No, yeah.
49:36.52
Matt DeCoursey
I mean, really, those are things that really matter. You know, Tom, I really enjoy this conversation. It’s very refreshing to hear so many of the things you had to say. Now, there’s one thing I get myself in trouble with when I say this, but I’m gonna say it anyway. I am the guy that says, if you’re not an entrepreneur, don’t give me advice about being an entrepreneur. But you’re an entrepreneur, and you have been for a very long time. So this definitely landed in a completely different way, like I’m usually in trouble because I get invited to a panel, and there are three people on it that have never been an entrepreneur. And they want to tell me all about it, and I’m like, I’m sorry, you do not have my attention. Um, yeah, so.
50:09.60
Tom McCarthy
Um.
50:14.38
Matt DeCoursey
By the way, the people I usually get in trouble with are the non-entrepreneurs. I have yet to meet a whole lot of entrepreneurs that say that they want advice on entrepreneurship from those that haven’t done it anyway. So.
50:22.25
Tom McCarthy
Now. Yeah.
50:27.42
Matt DeCoursey
Go check out The Breakthrough Code. Go to thebreakthroughcode.com. Go to TomMcCarthy.com. There are links for both of those in the show notes. I already ordered the book. So I want you to go ahead and do the same, Tom. I’m going to catch up with you down the road. I’m hoping to have you back someday.
50:40.65
Tom McCarthy
Yeah, I love to catch up with you again, Matt, and it’s just amazing. With your story, I want to learn even more about you. And I want to pick your brain, too, because growing this company, the software company, to where it is now, and the projections you have is on is awesome. I’m excited for you, man. I mean, you’re a young guy with tons of potential. You got lots of people listening to you, and they are very lucky to hear your wisdom on this show.
51:13.87
Matt DeCoursey
You’re too kind.